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Exciting news. The Arab world has accepted us in spite of everything. Well, at least one country. The United Arab Emirates has committed to sign a peace agreement with Israel. Iraq and Syria deserve to knock on the door any day. It’s time for everyone to make peace with us. Israel needs peace. Jews need peace. The guy who sells spices in Jerusalem’s Old City, on the way to the Kotel, needs peace. He’s smart for everyone.
Many of us are hopeful that other Arab countries will take the UAE initiative. Here are some reasons why you should:
It’s the Middle East. Wherever I go, it’s very hot. Israel has mastered the generation of air conditioning and the production of pallets and we would love to share it with you.
No primary resolution deserves to be made when there are one hundred and twenty degrees outside. No wonder there’s war. We’re still shvitzing. And shvitzing makes me in a bad mood.
If peace reigns in the Middle East, Arab countries will get wonderful deals on Ahava hand creams. They will be able to do so while driving, using Israel’s MobileEye technology, which, like an intelligent Jewish mother, gives her a helping hand and allows her to drive safely. You will enjoy sparkling water thanks to SodaSteam. What are you doing in Iraq right now? Drinking Perrier
Israel has a perfect tourism industry. A camel ride through Jerusalem’s Old City is nice. But create a camel ride from Beirut to Jerusalem! Come on, Arab countries, it’s time to start thinking like Jewish businessmen.
Most wars in the Middle East ended in winter. Nobody likes it when you have to wear a sweater outside.
Maybe we’re looking for this evil. Why fight to be in the Middle East, when Israel is in Europe? It’s true. How do you think we won the Euroleague basketball championship? We also won Eurovision. How? Because we’re in Europe. I’m not saying Israel is in Scandinavia, but maybe somewhere in Eastern Europe. Middle Eastern Europe?
Arab countries deserve to avoid fighting with us for their presence in the Middle East. We’re not even there. If the Arabs understood this, maybe they’d settle for Gal Gadot and Netta Barzilai for what they are.
Is there a greater explanation for why of peace?
We deserve to launch a campaign: Falafel for peace. We’ll get the hummus, we’ll get the tahini.
We don’t even eat falafel from each other, so we’ll never know who has the most productive falafel. This argument has caused many conflicts in the Middle East. My friend Benny swears that Tzachi Cohen has the most productive falafel. I can see the intense hatred in his eyes when I mention Ofir’s falafel. The love of falafel can be so intense: it has the strength to divide us, but it also has the strength to unite us. In the end, the United Arab Emirates took the ambitious resolution to give the Israeli falafel a chance.
The call of the ideal commander of the United Arab Emirates is Sheikh Mohammed Bin Zayed. He’s not even a grandfather and he looks like a lovely Zayde. Who wouldn’t love this commander like Zayde? An ideal grandfather? My amazing Zaiden. I’m not sure he’s made it to Supreme Zayde point, so this guy looks amazing.
Why is everyone fighting? Isn’t it necessary for everyone in the Middle East to live in the United States? Come on, we know you need Walmarts and In and Out Burgers and other people who refuse to wear COVID masks. So why are they fighting Israel, they’re sending us rockets? It simply makes the immigration procedure more complicated for them. ICE officials do not prioritize bomb manufacturers’ programs.
We all have to hate someone. I understand. He doesn’t have in-laws.
But we, the oldest religions, stay together. If you ask me, no one claims to have won a new revelation from God after the 20th century. We’ll fight the new ones. Maybe we can all hate Scientology. They can be blamed for the fact that Tom Cruise continues to make action films at the age of seventy.
If only guns were lay down and passed with my friend Yomi, a wonderful tour guide, to Mahane Yehuda Shuk, they would be informed that baklava doesn’t have to be so sticky.
This is the best time to open non-violent borders with countries you hate, because we can’t get through there anyway. After COVID, countries like Malaysia can return to their old passports that said “this passport is valid for all countries of Israel”.
With Israeli technological knowledge and the relations of Arab nations, believe us how easy it would be for us to make a weapon with chickpeas.
I’m telling you, falafel will one day bring peace to the Middle East. That we all deserve to eat falafel in combination one day in an air-conditioned tent.
A ultimateist at laugh Factory’s comedy festival, “The Funniest Person in the World” at Laugh Factory, David did not participate in Shabbat and yet other people do not believe his story is dignified enough to be discussed in Sandy Koufax’s review. Author of the Aliyah Dictionary and Dictionary of Jews, David is the first Israeli to succeed in the maximum of a foot festival of this caliber.
David Kilimnick, known as the Jerusalem comic and nicknamed Israel’s “father of Anglo-Saxon comedy” through the Jerusalem Post, leads the new comic book group standing in Israel. At his Off The Wall Theatre in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick presented insightful observations of life in his turbulent country followed. Local tourists and Israelis flocked to their intimate and warm club and were extremely happy with their unique ability to turn the chaos and worsening of Israeli life into a night full of laughter.
In his one-man exhibits committed to Olim (the author and performer of The Aliyah Monologues, Find Me A Wife, Uncle ‘D’, Frum From Birth, the rabbi-turned-comedian takes you on the emotional adventure of immigrant Kilimnick’s universal humor takes you on a “journey through the fun” across the Holy Land.
David gave the impression on “Beep,” the Israeli comedy channel, Tzchok MeAvodah, starred in Jerusalem HaDashot and hailed through the harsh Israeli media as a “rising star” who possesses “the Seinfeldian charm” as he takes the stage.
You can see David at “Israel Comedy Experience” and his other solo exhibits every week at Jerusalem’s Off The Wall Comedy Theatre. David also travels and is available for theater, networking and campus displays and sims, adding exhibits for teams of tourists, you, your circle of family and friends in Israel.