How do you explain the invasion of Ukraine to your children?
Many parents, seeing what’s on the news, will ask themselves this question, not knowing what to do for the better. How can we do this when all this is circulating on social media and Tik Tok is prompting other young people to wonder, “Is this World War III?My youngest son asked me, “Is this like when Germany invaded World War II, Mom?”?”»’
So how do we best respond to our children’s interest in herbs and the development of anxiety in those scary moments?
Young people have a lot of information and already know that Russia has launched a military attack on Ukraine. There are no advantages for children, regardless of their age, if you pretend that this is not a fact. However, it would be helpful to reassure them about the closeness of their lives.
Maybe show them a map of Russia and Ukraine, so they can visualize where those countries are in Europe and where you live. Tell them that they are very unlikely to be affected by the fighting and shelling that is taking place in this area.
Young people are smart at eavesdropping and would possibly overhear conversations you have with other adults. Be careful not to use alarming and dramatic language with others, then replace it when talking to your own children. If they’ve heard you tell your friends that you’re scared and anxious, tell them that you feel that way, too.
Bring out the difference between your fears for others and your fears for them. Recognize that it’s terrible to think that other innocent people are hurt or killed, and it will surely inspire empathy, but reaffirm that such atrocities are rare and be sure to separate them. This is from his own direct experience.
After any traumatic event, it is important that children and young people return to a normal routine as quickly as possible. It is no different if you are hearing about something, rather than directly experiencing it, and you should try to make sure that your teenager doesn’t stop doing anything they would normally do. So, whether it’s going to a swimming club, meeting up with friends, or just keeping to normal routines around getting up in the morning and meal times, these should continue.
Teenagers may want to do something to make their views about the war known to others in the world. This can help to instil a sense of control over the situation and their feelings, which is useful to managing any growing anxiety. It will also help them to connect with other people who share the same feelings and opposition to the war.
Similarly, projects such as donating to clothing collections and volunteering to help someone else who is suffering more directly (because they have relatives in Ukraine) help other young people make sense of a series of events.
When war breaks out, the world becomes incomprehensible and difficult to understand. This can be felt deeply after the pandemic, when young people are stripped of much of their sense of security and stability. Without making it too obvious, take the time to instill in them a sense that their home is a safe environment where they are not threatened. Nothing has replaced it at home, at school, or in your immediate environment. Life goes on as normal, as far as you’re concerned. involved and for them. Strive not to catastrophize the future, as the ambiguity of “anything can happen next” will cause your anxiety to skyrocket.
It doesn’t always seem obvious, yet teens are inspired by their parents and guardians, and if we’re constantly watching the news, eagerly searching our phones for the latest newsletters, and constantly referring to war (at the expense of engagement) in our own daily routines), they’ll immediately notice this and their anxiety will intensify. Talk to adult friends and family when you want to deal with your own feelings, but try as much as you can to feel calm and normalcy for your child. When they see that you are doing the normal thing, they will most likely follow your lead.
Your teenager may come to you with all kinds of ‘facts’ which they have picked up through social media and conversations with peers. They might quote these to you, without it being obvious that part of what they want to do is check whether you think they are true. Try asking, ‘where did you hear that?’ and ‘tell me a bit more about that’, rather than saying simply, ‘that’s not true’.
If they’re confused around some of the language being used on the news or social media, share this handy guide from Newsround with them.
Depending on the effect of those “facts”, and this will depend in part on your age, try to get back with them a few days later as well. Ask them if they are still thinking about it or if they need to be more informed.
Many young people will be engaged in conversations about the war in Ukraine and be worried about it. Others will simply be more interested in their position in the next football match or their forthcoming exams, and this is fine.
Don’t force a verbal exchange and try to get them to express their thoughts about the war, if it’s not something they need to think about or discuss. Let their reaction and point of interest advise you.
We hope these handy tips help you stay in touch and stay connected with your teen, despite this undeniably difficult time. If you have any doubts about whether you’re doing or have said something, it’s best to be fair about it. . Say something like, “It’s actually scary, it’s rarely scary, when you don’t know what’s going to happen?I’m not sure either. “
It can be incredibly helpful in difficult times if we, as parents and guardians, can show how to live with uncertainty, while also demonstrating our ability to call and communicate complex feelings.
Parent Toolkit
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