Finding friendship after unspeakable trauma

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Eight years ago, in April 2014, Joy Bishara and Lydia Pogu fled for their lives. They had just escaped the mass abduction of 276 teenagers from their boarding school in Chibok, Nigeria, through the terrorist organization Boko Haram, a crime that triggered the global crusade of social media #BringBackOurGirls. The terrorists sought to prevent women from going to school. But those two would not be arrested.

This year, in April, Bishara and Pogu earned a master’s degree from Southeastern University in Lakeland, Florida, a dream neither of them could have imagined in the weeks following their harrowing escape. “After what happened, I think I would never finish school. Amid the trauma of the kidnapping and the worry of being captured again, school wasn’t even on her mind at the time. “I just wanted to be and for my circle of relatives to be Array. “

Since their escape, the two have become close friends, helping each other move forward, complete their studies, and achieve their dreams. It was a friendship that evolved in the United States, as they did not know each other well. at Chibok School. ” What we love is being able to look at each other and perceive exactly what we want without saying a word,” says Bishara. “Lydia will be my closest friend, no matter where life takes us. “. “

The night Boko Haram stormed the boarding school in April 2014 and forced the women onto trucks at gunpoint, Pogu and Bishara escaped by jumping out of a truck into darkness. of terrorists. After the bold jump, they made their way through the dense, tangled bush, their skin shattered by thorns, before managing to return home with strangers.

They were among dozens of women who fled that night. More than a hundred women were later released following negotiations between the government and Boko Haram, but more than a hundred are still missing today.

Bishara and Pogu came to the United States to continue their studies in August 2014, with the help of human rights defenders, adding the nonprofit Jubilee campaign. “At first there was a lot of cultural surprise,” Bishara laughs. She and Pogu had grown up in modest homes in Nigeria without running water. Pogu surpassed the number of women wearing pants; I used to wear classic dresses. Both had to know English and adapt to the winter weather. None cared about popular American dishes like cheeseburgers or pizza; They liked noodles and rice. “There were a lot of surprises, but the food and bloodless did it for us,” says Bishara. Girl came to take us to the African store. “

In 2017, they graduated from top school at Canyonville Academy in the Oregon Mountains, after cheering each other along the way as they sailed to a new school in a new country. the education, welfare and private lives of students,” says Bishara, adding that Chibok workers were “not paid enough” to invest in their students in a non-public way. Pogu agrees, noting that he liked to wear his own clothes at school instead of having to wear a uniform, as he did at home. Another difference, he says: “Punishments in American schools are essentially detentions and suspensions, however, in Nigeria it’s a totally different level; It is not unusual for all Oneers to inflict injuries on students.

The biggest impediment was living a global life away from their families. “It was so hard to be so far away from them. My mother, we are very productive friends,” says Bishara. “My feelings were when I moved here. I had nightmares. that Boko Haram would come to pick up my family. It’s hard to heal when what you’re looking to heal still happens every day,” he says, referring to the terrorist organization’s ongoing terror. For more than a decade, the organization is believed to have killed thousands of others in an effort to create an Islamic state and remove Western influence from schools. The women abducted from the Chibok school were mostly Christians.

Bishara and Pogu helped each other through difficult times, telling jokes and making each other laugh about “silly things we used to do at home,” Bishara says. In fact, the couple discovered while talking to loved ones at home that they were cousins. “Having Joy by my side since we first came to America, and when we found out we were cousins, helped me feel safer,” Pogu says. “Having him here has helped me and still helps me feel a little better, knowing that I have someone I call my circle of relatives here. “

Both also cite their religion as a stabilizing force. “God opened the doors and made sure we were well taken care of,” Bishara says. “He used many other people to have an effect on my life with tactics I never imagined 8 years ago. . ” Pogu feels the same way when he says, “God has put in my life many other glorious people who have helped me overcome the trauma I have experienced. to say that I am becoming better because of God and the other glorious people He has placed in my life.

After high school in 2017, the two went to school on a scholarship to Southeastern University, thanks to advice from former Canyonville Academy president Doug Wead. They made the decision not to share their room so they could interact more with other academics and improved their English skills, but they talked and texted one day and both and traveled the country to give presentations, adding one to the United Nations Security Council. “When we were given to college, we started sharing our story much more together,” Bishara says. “We traveled to new places and supported each other when we cried after sharing or when one of us was shaking after the presentation. “

They graduated from the school in 2021, a party in Bishara calls “a glorious journey,” despite an unforeseen challenge: a pandemic that locked the world in. their sense of taste and smell. ” It’s very stressful. I told my parents and they were panicking,” she says. Talking and texting Bishara helped her feel less isolated.

Both are haunted by the memory of their classmates who did not return home. Bishara wonders what happened to his roommate, Rifkatu Galang. , so difficult,” he recalls. She had surgery and was in a lot of pain. I held it; I cried for her. Boko Haram members came here and told her to shut down or they would kill her on the spot. It’s still on my mind. She is one of those who did not return. It’s so sad to think about all my classmates, not knowing how they are, where they are, who died.

Pogu expresses sadness that the world has been replaced while young women are still missing. The eighth anniversary came and came back last spring and “nobody talked about it,” he says.

The tragedy motivated Pogu, 24, and Bishara, 26, to use their education to let others escape abuse and injustice, especially in their home countries. Pogu, who earned her master’s degree in social services administration, is now doing fieldwork for One More Child, a nonprofit that supports vulnerable children, and plans to take the LSAT exam and apply to law school. “I need to bring justice to other people legally; For example, other people who suffer domestic violence, sex trafficking,” he says. Eventually, you need to establish your own law firm specializing in human rights.

Bishara, who earned her master’s degree in social work, works in hospice and eventually needs to start an organization to help Chibok women break free from abuse and lead independent lives. “Women live there with abusive partners because they have nowhere else to go,” she says. If they go to their parents’ house, their parents say goodbye to them. This is a bad thing when you leave your husband. But there is one main impediment to building a shelter in Chibok: “Boko Haram can come at any time and burn it,” he says. “I’m looking for loops around that, maybe an online organization where other people can give money to other people who need it. Boko Haram cannot burn a website.

Indeed, although Boko Haram is reported to have weakened to some extent in recent years, insurgents continue to terrorize the country; Chibok, a city of about 66,000 people, remains under attack. “They just attack, kill, kidnap and leave,” says Bishara. They need to attack other people when they least expect it. “

Bishara says sharing her story is helping her heal: “Trying to make a difference is how I locate my joy. “

“It’s been really hard to get over it,” Pogu says, noting that news of violence in his home country is a trigger. who accused her of blasphemy. ” It brings you back to the other people who kidnapped us,” he says. “Sometimes I have nightmares where other people attack me. But as time goes on and I start to get used to it here, I’m fine, I’m much bigger than I was at the beginning. The Bible tells us that we will have to forgive our enemies and pray for them. I believe in that, it helped. Although I forgive them, it is still painful. She and Bishara communicate with their families several times a week.

Over the years, Pogu has returned home to see her circle of relatives once, and Bishara, 4 times: a damaging adventure for young women who have defied Boko Haram. “It’s very scary,” says Bishara. This is not prudent. But I miss the house and need to see my circle of relatives. I am careful when I pass by the house. I’m not pronouncing what I’m going through. By the time other people know I’m home, I’m already past. Pogu applied for asylum in the United States in 2018 and recently approved a green card, while Bishara hopes to discharge U. S. citizenship. with the assistance of a local employer or congressman.

Both say they are grateful for the opportunities they have had in the United States. Pogu was the student speaker at the start of Southeastern University in April — a “bittersweet” experience, she says, thinking of her fallen peers, but also “a great and wonderful honor. “to be able to stand in front of those students. ” I was nervous, but it went well and I was grateful to be able to share my trip. Then other people said, “Your story is inspiring. ” I feel like I’m making a difference, and that’s my goal.

They are also deeply grateful for their friendship. ” The joy is genuine, brutally honest, loving, funny, interesting, patient with me, and the list goes on. I can tell him anything and he’s someone I can count on. times,” Pogu says. I know we will be there for each other and that our friendship will last a lifetime, wherever we end up in life. “Abigail Pesta is an award-winning journalist who writes for primary publications around the world. She is the writer of The Girls: An All-American Town, a Predatory Doctor, and the Untold Story of the Gymnasts Who Brought Him Down and co-writer with Sandra Uwiringiyimana of How Dare the Sun Rise: Memoirs of a War Niño.

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