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AMY DICKINSON
Dear Amy: When our son and his wife announced their pregnancy (our first grandchild), it was once at his parents’ house. They announced that their mom was going to be a grandmother for the fourth time, leaving us absolutely out and never mentioning our presence, even though we were there.
We later had a verbal exchange with them. We told them we were disappointed with the way the announcement had been made, but we understood that they didn’t need to hurt us. We asked you to keep in mind that your child will have two sets of grandparents.
They were really surprised and truly regretted. We forgave them, moved on, and never talked about the episode with anyone.
His mother has become more distant and cold towards us. It turns out that our daughter-in-law told her mother about this episode.
A few months later, when the young people announced the baby’s name, it was still just a show off to their parents. We were not recognized.
I must have looked hurt. Then his parents blew up on us, threatening us with violence and calling us narcissists.
They said very mean and cruel things and laughed at me because it hurt me.
She told me that she would have to pay “hell” if she ever corrected her daughter again. He positioned himself in front of other people, who were just like my husband and I.
Now they are absolutely ignoring us. We are no longer invited to family gatherings, which changes the overall dynamic of either of our families.
Above all, since the birth of the baby, our son and daughter-in-law have been very inclusive. They were very kind to us at all times. In fact, I feel like we’re more united than before, even though I never talked about what happened. We don’t need to put them in the middle.
I wonder if we leave to tell his parents or let it go. —First-time grandparents
Dear Grandparents, Congratulations to you, your son and daughter-in-law, for addressing this factor of exclusion and with respect. Their honesty and discretion seem to have put this vital encounter on a positive path.
As for the other in-laws, if you can think of a valid or convincing explanation for why they threaten their wrath, then go ahead and get in. But avoiding other rude and volatile people is a natural and protective instinct, and being transparent is a logical choice as a result of their behavior toward you.
However, you can ask your daughter-in-law if she would like you to try to contact her parents for any reason. In my opinion, this doesn’t put her in the middle of anything, but it shows her that you are touchy and respectful.
I’d possibly prefer to keep those bullies away from you, at least for now.
Dear Amy: “Impatient Ida’s” boyfriend helps her keep quiet in the face of tensions unrelated to her or her relationship. She plans (if she stays with him) to revel in this dynamic repeatedly. It’s very frustrating to worry about someone withdrawing every time they’re faced with one of life’s usual problems, and this undermines emotional intimacy. This is an early sign of caution. -R
Dear R: Absolutely.
you can contact Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson. com.
Today’s Birthdays (11/21/23): Together, grow and thrive in partnership this year. Practice and hobby are synonymous with mastery, laughter, and tranquility. Lean on others this winter before the contemplation of spring. Summer is a time for physical action. Solve the demanding romantic or artistic situations of autumn to reconnect with inspiring dreams and projects. Feed others.
To get the benefit, check the score of the day: 10 is the day, 0 is the hardest.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Today is the day: Plan your moves. A quick initiative can have lasting value. Determine where and how. Do the research. Chart your course. Rest and study.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Today is an 8: Be with your friends, partners and allies. Disciplined efforts on the network are paying off. Adapt to a challenge. Teamwork is your superpower. Together you are unbeatable.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Today is an 8: gradually lay the groundwork for a dream situation. Luck follows action and initiative. An outbreak now has lasting benefits. Take ambitious action.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Today is day 9. Look for opportunities. Explore a topic you’ve been wondering about for a long time. Travel, study and investigate. Spread your wings to notice new attractions and dreamy flavors.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Today is the day: send bills, pay bills. Collect what you owe. Don’t play. Study the situation. Discuss opportunities and potential. Invest in the home and family for the future.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – Today is the 9th. Together, they build anything of lasting value. Take advantage of fortunate situations to intertwine your roots. Supporting others for shared stability and growth.
Libra (September 23-October 22): Today is an 8. All of this is paying off. Maintain healthy routines with a busy schedule. Movement energizes and creates momentum.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Today is an 8: Laugh with your other favorite people and activities. Romance erupts with a whisper. Enjoy a dream situation. Love grows with care. Forge a lasting connection.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Today is a 7: Fulfill your domestic fantasies with constant effort and contribution. Possibly a bit of clutter would be necessary to achieve lasting improvement. A push now makes a big difference.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 1): Today is a nine: polish and edit thoroughly before publishing. It’s easier to spot errors and repetitive revisions than it is to factor corrections. Their messages happen more today; Prepare diligently.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – Today is an 8 – Balance Considerations Before Buying. Can you wait to receive an item? Do this thoroughly before committing. Take advantage of fortunate and lucrative opportunities.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Today is Day 9: Keep or change your promises. Stay in touch with changes. Your words and movements energize and move a project forward. Let your school advise you.
— Tribune Content Agency
The focus of the day
On November 21, 1980, another 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada.
On this day
In 1789, North Carolina became the twelfth state to ratify the U. S. Constitution.
In 1920, the Irish Republican Army killed 12 British intelligence agents and two auxiliary policemen in the Dublin area; British forces responded by attacking one party, killing 14 civilians.
In 1967, President Lyndon B. Johnson signed the Clean Air Act.
In 1969, the Senate rejected Clement F. ‘s nomination to the Supreme Court. Haynsworth, votes to 45, the first such rejection since 1930.
In 1973, President Richard Nixon’s lawyer, J. Fred Buzzard, recounted the life of an 18 1/2-minute period on one of the White House tapes similar to Watergate.
In 1979, a mob attacked the U. S. embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, killing two Americans.
In 1980, an estimated 83 million viewers tuned in to the CBS primetime soap opera “Dallas” to watch “Who Shot Jar. ” (The shooter turned out to be Jar. Ewing’s mother-in-law, Kristin Shepard. )
In 1985, Jonathan Jay Pollard, a US Navy intelligence analyst, was arrested and accused of spying for Israel. (Pollard later pleaded guilty to espionage and was sentenced to life in prison, but was released in 2015. )
In 1990, speculative bond financier Michael R. Milken, who had pleaded guilty to six counts, was sentenced by federal sentence in New York to 10 years in prison (Milken served two).
In 1995, the assembly of Balkan leaders in Dayton, Ohio, signed a peace plan to end three and a half years of ethnic strife in Bosnia and Herzegovina. In 2001, Otilia Landgren, a 94-year-old resident of Oxford, Connecticut, died of inhalation anthrax; She was the latest victim of a series of anthrax attacks carried out through the messaging system.
In 2012, Israel and the Hamas militant organization in Gaza agreed to a ceasefire to end eight days of the fiercest fighting in just four years.
In 2017, Zimbabwe’s 93-year-old President Robert Mugabe resigned; He was under indictment and had been placed under space arrest through the military.
In 2020, a federal ruling in Pennsylvania dismissed a cross-lawsuit against Trump that sought to save the certification of Joe Biden’s victory in the state; In a scathing order, the judge ruled that Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, had only made “speculative allegations. “
Dear Answer Angel Ellen: I love bar soap. Easy to use, much less expensive and durable. But in the last few years the bars of soap I bought were very sticky on the bottom. I use soap dishes that open or drain through the bottom, but it’s still gross. Is there a brand that is less viscous?-Barbara B.
Dear Barbara: Call it sticky, gross, sticky, soft, melty, sticky, rubbery, sweaty, runny, sticky. Whatever the adjective, that’s the nature of a bar of soap. After all, it’s designed to extrude cleaning properties to do its job. It’s soap!
Yes, leaving it in a puddle of water at the edge of the bathtub or sink will inspire something sticky. But enjoy the demonstrations that even the most expensive and attractive soap dishes, with all sorts of grooves, spikes, and water channels, couldn’t stop your bar of soap from continuing to disintegrate in a bubbling situation.
To add to the irritation, the bar of soap sticks where you left it and you have to peel it off, causing the bar to slide into the bathtub or shower. This explains the popularity of liquid soaps and frame gels. I’ve found that the brands and liquids in the Suave store are the cheapest and I can’t tell them apart from the much more expensive brands.
Some liquids have strong odors, so I open the lids and smell them before I buy them. Some brands sell fragrance-free products that are readily available at large retail stores and drug retail outlets. There’s soap on a string, but it’s expensive and, let’s face it, it’s something new.
As for other solutions, some soap users propose tapping a bottle cap on the back of the bar of soap to prevent it from staying in the water.
Try this. But it’s not a silver bullet. Let’s hear from readers if they know of a bar soap logo that possibly won’t disappoint them.
Dear Angel Ellen Answer: I keep getting a lot of emails and texts asking me to rate the service or products I use/purchase. More than anything, they need you to rate them on a scale of 1 to 10 or a star score of 1. a 5. (Zero is never an option!) Then there’s an area to explain your answer. I’ve never noticed an improvement based on my poor scores and explanations. Do those giant corporations really care what I think?—Mary Ann J.
Dear Mary Ann: Somewhere, a computer probably counts those numbers and if enough customers cause enough hell, maybe we’ll make a difference. I’m skeptical. I think it’s worth paying attention to the star rating of products on the web and customer reviews, especially the more negative ones, before clicking “buy”.
And if it makes you feel better, continue to take those surveys in case you’re part of a tidal wave that leads to change. If you really want to complain about (or praise) a company, product, service, website, or employee, social media is the most productive way to draw attention to your opinion. A little glimmer of hope: Not long ago, I won one of those routine surveys after a bad experience at Target, and instead of ignoring the survey, I turned it in. I indexed the store location, laid out my complaint, and asked for a quick review. (giving me the loose item and a gift card) and indexed my email and phone. I almost fainted when a manager called me directly, gave me my money back, told me to suspend the purchase, and apologized (even though there is no gift card). Sometimes, maybe once in a lifetime, the procedure works.
Angelic Readers 1
From Lyn C. : “In a recent column, she talked about cut tulips as a sustainable flower to buy at the supermarket. As a florist owner, I can attest that tulips do NOT last. My recommendation is to avoid them, as well as maximum bulb flowers, if you are looking for long-lasting flowers.
Kathleen I. writes, “When buying flowers at the supermarket or other branches, look for the date, usually on a white label on the package. You need the furthest date from today. These are the most up-to-date flowers. “
Angel Readers 2
Patt E. says, “For your reader Kathy, who couldn’t wear t-shirts that wouldn’t irritate her husband’s skin, I found that pima cotton t-shirts with Costco’s Kirkland logo are comfortable and non-irritating. The fabric is thick and elegant, and the shoulder seams are flat.
Please send your questions and comments (about style, shopping, fashion, makeup, and good looks) to àanswerangelellen@gmail. com.
At this time of year, we are encouraged and encouraged to take a careful and careful look at what we are grateful for. Health and happiness are at the top of the list for most people, but are we paying everyone else’s money?Who helped us get there? We can also look inward to see how we’ve conveyed our gratitude to those we care about most.
When you enjoy it, you thank yourself for your positive movements and energy, that simply inspires you to do more. One of the most difficult moments in life is receiving gratitude from our partner. When your spouse meets you, you will know how grateful they are to have you in their life, positive feelings through you, like a hot drink, fill your heart.
Knowing that you’ve done something to improve your partner’s life is an advantage on many levels. Just knowing that your partner is genuinely grateful that you’re together gives dating an extra boost, allowing you to overcome issues that aren’t. Value your valuable time.
Being grateful for your dates is the glue that binds couples together when the going gets tough. Having an attitude of gratitude takes you to a new point where you can see what matters. So the next time you feel like complaining about something, don’t forget to be grateful for this life you’re living in combination.
If the fact is that you’re better off and have more love than you did at the beginning, that’s something to be thankful for. If it doesn’t already, try running it with your partner. The first step is to recognize and honor what you’re grateful for in your relationship.
Sitting down with your spouse and sharing your gratitude is incredibly difficult and a wonderful way to get things back on track. Let yourself know that you need to continue and grow as a team. We rarely take the time to do this. Please take a few minutes the next time you have the opportunity to tell your spouse how grateful you are to be in your life. This action will nourish you and your relationship.
Another wonderful tool is to say thank you in a more wonderful way for the little things we all look forward to. Whether it’s a morning coffee or an evening massage, expressing gratitude will inspire habits and make your spouse feel appreciated.
Showing your gratitude through movements is also a difficult way to say thank you. A warm, loving hug, a flower in your desk garden, or a note on your pillow that says “Thank you for being with me” can be a wonderful way to show your gratitude. Thank you to the user you love.
Happy Thanksgiving and may your year possibly be full of things you can be thankful for.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith is a psychotherapist. Email him at Barton@bartongoldsmith. com.
“fargo”
TUESDAY
November 21, 2023
All times are central. Starting times may vary by cable/satellite provider. Confirm times on your on-screen guide.
Obituary
Hulu ■ New Series
Elvira (Siobhán Cullen), 24, loves her task of writing obituaries, when her boss starts paying her through obituaries to save money, she takes matters into her own hands by killing the town’s nasty residents. The newspaper hires a new police correspondent and Elvira is attracted to him.
NCIS: Sydney
CBS, 7 p. m.
In the new episode “Snakes in the Grass,” a Navy enforcement officer is discovered dead in a waterhole following a snakebite, and the team works to uncover the source of the rare fatal taipan that is rare in the area.
Pioneers
PBS, 7 p. m. (WTTW Chicago, 7 p. m. )
Tennis legend and gender equality pioneer Billie Jean King and seven icons of women’s sports (Nancy Lieberman, Chloe Kim, Naomi Osaka, Jackie Joyner-Kersee, Julie Foudy, Diana Flores, and Suni Lee) talk about how Title IX and their own accomplishments replaced the Women’s Sports Course.
Love Indeed
AMC, Afternoon
Happy 20th birthday, with love really! This bittersweet British comedy starring Hugh Grant as a bachelor prime minister seduced through a member of his team has long become a holiday favorite. Love also moves a writer, a couple who separates, and others. These lives and loves collide again and again on Christmas Eve, with hilarious consequences.
The voice
NBC, p. m.
When the playoffs begin, each coach has a “super save” that allows them to bring back an artist from any team to sign up for the playoffs in hopes of making it to the live shows. The remaining six artists on the Niall team won’t be holding anything back as tough decisions are made.
FBI true
CBS, 9 p. m.
This Paramount true-crime series continues on CBS with “Hunting Hanssen: America’s Deadliest Traitor,” in which FBI agents work undercover at their own headquarters to uncover facts about Robert Hanssen, who would prove to be the most damaging spy in FBI history. having sold important national secrets to the Russians for decades.
Fargo
FX, nine p. m. ■ Season premiere
While Jon Hamm is brilliant as cult leader and Sheriff Roy Tillman, women are undoubtedly the center of attention in the new season of Noah Hawley’s exclusive Midwestern crime mystery series, which is perhaps his most productive yet. Housewife Dot Lyon, played through Ted Lasso’s Juno Temple At first glance, she’s an overly polite Minnesota mom. However, an incident at a PTA convention sets off a chain of events that lead to a series of dangerous cascading escapes, for which she is strangely well prepared. Her mother-in-law, Lorraine through Jennifer Jason Leigh, is rarely simply a stay-at-home mom. Raw, straightforward, and a little unbalanced, Lorraine has some of the most productive discussions in the series and is pleasantly unexpected. Richa Moorjani of Never Have I Ever also shines as the city’s police deputy and perhaps the only one with her head held high. As always, it can be difficult who to cheer on or know where the exhibit is headed; however, that’s the good looks of Fargo.
Frontline
PBS, nine p. m. (WTTW Chicago, 9 p. m. )
The award-winning film “20 Days in Mariupol” features the latest reports from foreign journalists on the Russian siege of the Ukrainian city of Mariupol.
“The LEGO Batman Movie”
The LEGO Batman Movie (2017, kids) Will Arnett, Michael Cera NICK, 4:30 p. m.
A Godwink Christmas (2018, Drama) Kimberly Sustad, Paul Campbell Hallmark Movies
Christmas Through Starlight (2020, Romance) Kimberley Sustad, Paul Campbell Hallmark, five p. m.
Her aria A To Die For (2023, Thriller) Meghan Carrasquillo, Ryan Francis LMN, five p. m.
Mulan (1998, children) Ming-Na Wen, Eddie Murphy Freeform, 6 p. m. Good Burger (1997, Family) Kel Mitchell, Kenan Thompson NICK, 7 p. m. One Night Stand (2023, Thriller) Casey Waller, Alex Trumble LMN, 7 p. m. The Sweetest Christmas (2017, Romance) Lacey Chabert, Léa Coco Hallmark, 7 p. m.
Unlock Christmas (2020, Mystery) Taylor Cole, Steve Lund Hallmark Movies
A Holiday in Heidelberg (2023, Romance) Ginna Claire Mason, Frédéric Brossier Hallmark, nine at night.
Christmas at Angel Falls (2017, Drama) Rachel Boston, Paul Greene Hallmark Movies
Star of the Month: Gloria Grahame
MTC, from 7 p. m. to 7 p. m.
Tonight’s lineup featuring legendary actress Gloria Grahame begins with a name that features one of her briefest but most notable appearances: Vincente Minnelli’s 1952 melodrama The Bad and the Beautiful (pictured), which earned Grahame the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress despite only appearing. in the film for just over nine minutes. The film is directed by Kirk Douglas, who was nominated for Best Actor and won four other Academy Awards, notably for its screenplay and cinematography. Then came Robert Wise’s 1959 film noir, Odds Against Tomorrow, directed by Harry Belafonte, Robert Ryan and Shelley Winters; another film noir, Not as a Stranger (1955), directed by Olivia de Havilland, Robert Mitchum and Frank Sinatra; and The Cobweb (1955), a drama directed by Minnelli and also starring Richard Widmark, Lauren Bacall and Charles Boyer. The evening ends with Chandler (1971), directed by Warren Oates as a personal look, in a neo-noir throwback to the type of film noir of the 1940s and 1950s in which Grahame appeared; features the actress in a Got Hereo role.
Dr. Roach: I’m a 78-year-old man who recently had a colonoscopy and had several polyps removed, but there was also a “flat polyp” that couldn’t be removed. My doctor told me he recommends surgery to remove it. However, due to my age, as well as my center (stents, upper blood meter) and my kidney disorders (they’ve been solid for years), I wasn’t sure if surgery was the answer. Good choice.
He advised me to get another colonoscopy with another doctor who could remove those flat polyps. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what’s the most productive way to deal with this. My characteristics are: do nothing, have surgery or check-ups, performed a colonoscopy with that other doctor. I once read an article in which you said that other disorders may simply resist colon surgery. L. F.
Answer: This is a challenge I have encountered with my own patients and there is no right for everyone.
Flat polyps are more difficult to remove, but the gastroenterologist most likely performed a biopsy of the flat polyp. Part of what is important is the result of the flat polyp biopsy, which tends to show more worrisome pathologic findings. As the result shows severe cancer-like dysplasia, I tend to favor a more competitive approach. But if the condition is less worrisome, given your age and medical conditions, it may be moderate to have a follow-up colonoscopy.
One of my own patients required surgery because the polyp may simply not be able to be removed, even through an expert, and the pathology showed that the polyp was dangerously close to the cancer.
If the pathological location is worrisome, I propose a colonoscopy before resorting to surgery, but if it is not so worrisome, I propose a follow-up of six to 12 months. Because of his medical problems, he would be especially careful not to rush into surgery.
Dr. Roach: My father died of pneumonia at age 76, his father died of pneumonia at age 46. At age 60, I received the original pneumonia vaccine and had a reaction to the injection with redness and swelling. I’m now a healthy 75-year-old man, I’ve won all the mandatory COVID vaccines and shots, adding some exotic ones when I went to Africa, and I’ve never had any problems.
My current number one care physician considers that because of my initial reaction to the first pneumonia shot 15 years ago, I don’t get the existing two-dose shots. Given my relatives’ history of this disease, I would like to get vaccinated. RY
Answer: The only pneumonia vaccine that was given 15 years ago was PPSV23, called Pneumovax, and I’m pretty sure it was the one you got. A reaction of redness and swelling at the injection site is not unusual and, especially given the lack of reaction to other vaccines, would not be an explanation for avoiding receiving the pneumonia vaccine you were recommended, which is PCV20 (Prevnar). I don’t think I’ll have the same reaction with this new vaccine as you did with PPSV23 15 years ago.
Currently, most healthy people receive the PCV20 vaccine if it is available. People at higher risk (those with diabetes or chronic heart and lung disease) also receive PPSV23.
In my practice, I have recommended PCV20 to those who only gained PPSV23. In my opinion, the benefits of getting it outweigh the risk, given your fairly mild vaccine reaction history and family history.
Readers can send their questions to ToYourGoodHealth@med. cornell. edu or email 628 Virginia Dr. , Orlando, FL 32803.
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